Recognizing the Dysfunctional Family

Goblin Valley State Park in Green River, Utah. The myriad shapes, sizes, and varieties of the goblins makes me think about how families can look and feel all sorts of ways. I hope to help people find a family that feels good for them - whether they find new patterns in their first family, or create a new family of any shape or form that works for them now.

One of my main clinical interests is working with adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families. These folks tend to experience high amounts of shame and a sense that everything is somehow their fault. I really appreciate the Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization’s approach includes children who grew up in dysfunctional homes, even when there was no alcohol being abused, in their definition and programming. Alcohol or no, the impacts of growing up in a highly dysfunctional family are pretty universal and often debilitating.

A recurring theme in adults who grew up in alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional families is repeated denial or minimization that their childhood was “bad,” painful, or otherwise not normal. When addressing this denial in therapy, patients often have the experience of needing to talk about the same things over and over again in order to increase their own recognition and acceptance that what they experienced was indeed painful and not okay. This validation and gentle work toward increased reality-acceptance is a crucial part of starting to heal from complex PTSD and childhood neglect. 

One tool I’ve found incredible for helping people to validate their experiences is Patrick Teahan, LICSW’s Toxic Family Test. He created this resource for the exact reasons I’m describing. Having a more concrete way to label experiences in a dysfunctional family is incredibly helpful. Give it a look if you are interested.